Giving the term “phoning it in” a whole new meaning.
What is going on? There’s no Maryse and Jacob Novak is wearing gold trunks. Did he take Byron’s Huggies jibe a bit too seriously last week? Whatever’s happening, we’re opening this week’s show with an arm wrestling contest. I guess it’s a form of wrestling, at least.
We’re going to have three one-on-one contests against the clock. Whoever wins in the quickest time gets a bye to the final, the other two winners must face off to earn the other final spot. The overall winner gets four redemption points. Matt Striker stresses that this is a “crucial challenge”. Lucky Cannon went way up in my estimation but just shouting back “No it’s not!”
Byron Saxton battles Darren Young in the first match. It’s a hard-fart match, but Darren gets the win in 23.7 seconds. The clock ran for about 3 seconds extra after he won but it’s already been established that the timer in this series doesn’t function conventionally.
Lucky Cannon continued his surprisingly good character work as he faced Conor O’Brian. Lucky was concerned about Conor’s icky hands, so he produced some hand sanitiser from his pants. Then instead of accepting a fair and square defeat, he just stuck his thumb in Conor’s eye. Naturally, he gets DQ’d but at least he did something memorable. Conor gains the advantage with a win in 11.2 seconds.
Jacob slams down Titus O’Neil’s arm about four seconds too early but celebrates nonetheless and can’t see what he’s done wrong. The match actually starts and Titus wins in like two seconds to earn the bye.
That means Conor has to face Darren for a place in the final. Conor wins fairly easily to advance. Meanwhile, William Regal is still furious about last week’s challenge.
Your final is Titus v. Conor. Loud “boring” chants have broken out by this stage but they don’t prevent an easy Titus win. He gets the four redemption points. I still have no idea what those points actually do.
Titus O’Neil, Conor O’Brian & Byron Saxton v. Darren Young, Jacob Novak & Lucky Cannon
Wrestlemania 27 is just 5 days away so we get 36(!!!) minutes of build up after the arm wrestling. To clarify, 36 minutes passed between the end of the last segment and the start of this one. And you thought Smackdown was full of filler. I’m not complaining though, it means I have to sit through less. Hey, if they’re going to phone it in, then so is your humble narrator. I couldn’t even be arsed to take a good screenshot.
It’s clear that this season was set up to get the future Prime Time Players over. All the challenges have been won by one of them, they’re getting plenty of ring time and Titus is the only undefeated rookie. The finish is built around Titus’ hot tag and while this is before he received megadad superpowers, he comes in, dominates and gets the win for his team by blocking a big boot from Jacob and planting him with the Clash of the Titus.
There you go then. 15 minutes of content somehow stretched out to 52. It’s not hard to see why this show was in the toilet. I’m sure Mania 27 will be great though. I predict Michael Cole v. Jerry Lawler will steal the show. As for the main event, I sure hope The Miz doesn’t suffer a concussion that causes him to forget the biggest day of his career, while he is overshadowed by The Rock and John Cena to set up next year’s main event.