You thought the previous episodes scraped the barrel? You ain’t seen nothing yet.
A new low
This week starts with a recap of where the rookies are at so far. Titus leads the way with 5 redemption points while Darren has 3. Maryse somehow congratulates Jacob for leading the way. I can see how she got those two mixed up.
We go straight into the opening challenge, where each rookie must disrespect a given opponent in 20 seconds. The winner of each tie goes to a final.
First up is Jacob Novak v. Byron Saxton. Jacob goes first and I’ll paraphrase: “You used to read the news, well here’s a newsflash: me”. Sick burn, mate. Byron responds by saying Jacob’s white trunks make him the perfect spokesman for Huggies. Saxton wins, though Regal says it’s the equivalent of winning best looking man in prison.
Conor O’Brian faces off against Titus O’Neil. Conor compares Titus to the giant from Jack & The Beanstalk, while Titus says Conor has a big nose. It’s an incredible show of indifference from the crowd but they ultimately decide Titus is the winner.
Darren Young battles Lucky Cannon. Darren says Lucky’s robe is from the 80s. Meanwhile, Lucky takes the chance to shoot on the local sports team. Incredibly, Lucky gets genuine heat. While that’s not great for a popularity contest, he’s the only one to get a reaction from the crowd. Even Regal was impressed. Out of all the people in the contest, Lucky Cannon was the only one to get it.
The final is Byron v. Titus v. Darren. They have 30 seconds to diss both of their opponents. Byron focuses on Titus’ dog barks and makes a dog food joke, sings Who Let The Dogs Out in the year 2k11 and takes aim at Darren’s hairstyle. It was a miserable failure. Titus does a horrendous Yoshi Tatsu impression and runs out of time before he can get to Darren. Finally, Darren says Titus is old and says he’s better than Byron. A truly appalling effort from all involved. Regal was absolutely livid, so much so that he stewed throughout the rest of the show. He couldn’t let go of how bad it was. Lucky Cannon was the star of the show for local sports team cheap heat. Awful.
The crowd was so indifferent that Maryse had to ask them a second time to decide a winner as there was such little reaction. Darren gets the nod thanks to the four people who cheered.
Thank God for Dusty’s promo class.
Titus O’Neil v. Darren Young
The future Prime Time Players square off on anything other than prime time. Darren does a decent job of working heel until we get to the ridiculously overbooked finish. Titus gets Irish whipped into the corner and nearly elbows Chavo Guerrero on the apron. Darren then gets thrown into the same corner but Chavo pulls him out of harms way. Hornswoggle then bites Chavo’s ankle and Darren gets thrown into Chavo, then Titus lands the Clash of the Titus for the win.
Yoshi’s up all night to get Lucky
Yoshi tells Lucky to be more respectful to his friend Maryse. But, Maryse turns up to apologise to Lucky for slapping him last week but ends up slapping him again. She then does Yoshi for laughing, who does Lucky for laughing at him. WHY IS ANY OF THIS HAPPENING?
Vladimir Kozlov & Conor O’Brian v. JTG & Jacob Novak
Just as this tag match is about to get underway, Matt Striker emerges to turn it into a dance-off for some reason. Yep.
JTG goes all in, while Jacob awkwardly dances whitely beside him before giving up. It was in no danger of getting a ten from Len.
Vlad & Conor drop an in-sync robot, then we watch them whip four years early before they take it home with the W-O-R-M.
It’s no contest and Vlad & Conor take the win. Again, I have no idea why they did this, Conor didn’t even get a redemption point. Also, seeing Eastern European tank Vlad body popping just fills me full of dread for when they run out of ideas for Rusev.
Byron Saxton v. Lucky Cannon
They genuinely seem to be rushing through segments so they can recap Raw, plug Wrestlemania 27 and advertise The Chaperone.
The match is formulaic as owt. Lucky controls the match until Byron mounts a comeback. He goes close to the win but only gets two. Regal is still so pissed off at the opening segment that he breaks kayfabe to criticise Lucky’s kicking out technique. Lucky shrugs it off to throw Byron into the post and hit a spinning fireman carry slam to get the win. He then gives one to Yoshi to end the show standing tall.
Lucky Cannon v. Yoshi Tatsu is the feud that’s supposed to keep you watching. I can’t believe this format went bust.